Elaine
07-20-2008, 09:30 AM
We all get junk emails... here is one I find annoying... in part because the answers are on our website or here on DSNN (if these people were truly interested in one of our dogs) and in larger part because I think it's discourteous and thoughtless to ask someone to waste time on this baloney when they haven't bothered know who they've sent the mass mailing to.
So here is the email and in red is how I answered it.
Dear Mr. Greenwood, Okay, this is not a good start, Arthur and I are both actively involved in the dogs and addressing only "Mr. " is sexist... and... after 8 years of post graduate education, Arthur has earned the right to be addressed as Dr. (though he prefers Your Eminence)
My husband and I are currently interesting in learning more about you as a breeder and your Dobermans. If possible, I was wondering if you could please answer a few questions for me Sure, we have nothing better to do with our time than fill out form questioners... turn around, bend over and I’ll stuff this where it belongs. that I find to be important when trying to find the right person to purchase a potential puppy from. Wait, I am not clear here... what exactly is a “potential puppy”? Is that a mass of undifferentiated cells that potentially might develop into a puppy. I’ll check the inventory, but I’m pretty sure we’re fresh out of undifferentiated cells.
* What goals do you as a breeder have with the breeding program and how do you go about to achieve this? Our goal is to make as much money as possible in the shortest possible time and to do so we cut every corner in the book.
* Are you active in any breed clubs? Not sure what you mean here... do you mean "active" as in... are we alive, awake and breathing when we attend meetings? And truly, how would being active in a breed club relate to breeding quality dogs?
* How many dogs do you own and how often do you breed them? We own thousands and breed them at least once a week.
*If possible can we arrange a visit to your facility? Sure come any time... day or night... we have no private life what so ever and simply love having lookie-lue strangers wandering about.
*Will you be available to answer any questions that my family may have throughout the lifetime of the dog? Not a chance sucker, once the check has cleared the bank we stop taking your calls, ask anyone.
*If something unforeseen happens and we are no longer able to keep the dog, will you take back the dog? Absolutely not... that’s what shelters and rescues are for.
*Do you use a sales contract to spell out the terms of the sale and allow each party to define their expectations of the transaction? Contract... doesn’t begin to describe it... you’ll get a hernia just trying to lift the damn thing.
*What type of contract do you have for a pet quality/companion dog? We like to refer to it as a Adhesion Contract. Got a problem with that?
* Can I get references of previous puppy buyers? Not bloody likely!
* What is your view of people who are to new to the breed? They are good for target practice.
* Do you ship your dogs or do you require the new owner to come and pick them up? We prefer to leave the dog chained to the mail box... at the curb... of the nearest Safeway Grocery Store
* At what age do you send the puppies to their new homes? We try to get them on their way by two weeks.
* Can I have my own vet examine the puppy before I fully commit? Absolutely ... even better, take the dog, keep it for 10 years or so, and then decide whether you want to "fully" commit.
* Until what age will you guarantee the health of the puppy? We guarantee the puppy just like any other appliance we sell. And, if you purchase our extended guarantee, it'll include Parts and Labor for an extra 48 months.
* What temperament testing and socialization has been done prior to the puppy going home with the owner? We throw the puppies out with the neighbor’s Pitt Bulls, the ones that survive are socialized and tested.
* What health tests have been done on both parents of the litter? They are alive at the time of breeding.
*What inoculations have been given prior to sending the puppy home with their new owner? Starting at a week of age, and for every week thereafter, we give 8 way combined shots DHLPPC DE, Rabies, E-Boli, E-Coli, Polio, Tuberculosis, HPV, Swine Flu, yellow fever, measles, rubella, mumps, flu, cholera, bubonic plague, and hepatitis A.
*Do you send these records with the puppy? Nah, we send these records to Antarctica.
* Who gives the puppy their inoculations? Oh god... only a Fully Licensed, Trained, Board Certified Veterinary Inoculation Specialist can give a shot, because we all know that giving a shot sub q is so complicated and technical only a highly trained specialist can do it. Beside, it’s a scientific fact that the minute a lay person touches a vaccine, the vaccine mutates to saline.
* Do your puppies get seen by your veterinarian prior to sending the puppies off to their new homes to ensure that you are sending a healthy puppy to their new home? Yes, we drive the puppies by “our” vet’s clinic and honk the horn. Usually the vet sees them.
* At what age do you crop their ears? We crop them at a week. Our vet crops them at 7 weeks.
*Who does the cropping? Anyone with a sharp knife.
*What style of cropping is used? We prefer the Inverted Shitsu Style
* What actions are taken after the cropping to make sure that a new owner to the breed understands the proper care of the puppies cropped ears? We generally use a whip and a cattle prod to ensure that new owners "understand" our orders.
* What do you feed the puppies? Feed puppies? You’re supposed to feed these little guys? I thought that was the mom’s job.
* What is your screening criteria for prospective new owners? Basically it’s “will the check clear the bank.”
* How do you choose which puppy gets placed with each prospective owner? Eenie, meenie, miniey, moe
* What are your expectations of each prospective owner? that the check clears the bank.
*What is the asking price of the puppies? We have a flat rate for puppies adjusted bi-monthly for inflation.
I thank-you for your time and look forward to your future correspondence.
de nada
Sincerely,
Jean & Adam Springer
-E
So here is the email and in red is how I answered it.
Dear Mr. Greenwood, Okay, this is not a good start, Arthur and I are both actively involved in the dogs and addressing only "Mr. " is sexist... and... after 8 years of post graduate education, Arthur has earned the right to be addressed as Dr. (though he prefers Your Eminence)
My husband and I are currently interesting in learning more about you as a breeder and your Dobermans. If possible, I was wondering if you could please answer a few questions for me Sure, we have nothing better to do with our time than fill out form questioners... turn around, bend over and I’ll stuff this where it belongs. that I find to be important when trying to find the right person to purchase a potential puppy from. Wait, I am not clear here... what exactly is a “potential puppy”? Is that a mass of undifferentiated cells that potentially might develop into a puppy. I’ll check the inventory, but I’m pretty sure we’re fresh out of undifferentiated cells.
* What goals do you as a breeder have with the breeding program and how do you go about to achieve this? Our goal is to make as much money as possible in the shortest possible time and to do so we cut every corner in the book.
* Are you active in any breed clubs? Not sure what you mean here... do you mean "active" as in... are we alive, awake and breathing when we attend meetings? And truly, how would being active in a breed club relate to breeding quality dogs?
* How many dogs do you own and how often do you breed them? We own thousands and breed them at least once a week.
*If possible can we arrange a visit to your facility? Sure come any time... day or night... we have no private life what so ever and simply love having lookie-lue strangers wandering about.
*Will you be available to answer any questions that my family may have throughout the lifetime of the dog? Not a chance sucker, once the check has cleared the bank we stop taking your calls, ask anyone.
*If something unforeseen happens and we are no longer able to keep the dog, will you take back the dog? Absolutely not... that’s what shelters and rescues are for.
*Do you use a sales contract to spell out the terms of the sale and allow each party to define their expectations of the transaction? Contract... doesn’t begin to describe it... you’ll get a hernia just trying to lift the damn thing.
*What type of contract do you have for a pet quality/companion dog? We like to refer to it as a Adhesion Contract. Got a problem with that?
* Can I get references of previous puppy buyers? Not bloody likely!
* What is your view of people who are to new to the breed? They are good for target practice.
* Do you ship your dogs or do you require the new owner to come and pick them up? We prefer to leave the dog chained to the mail box... at the curb... of the nearest Safeway Grocery Store
* At what age do you send the puppies to their new homes? We try to get them on their way by two weeks.
* Can I have my own vet examine the puppy before I fully commit? Absolutely ... even better, take the dog, keep it for 10 years or so, and then decide whether you want to "fully" commit.
* Until what age will you guarantee the health of the puppy? We guarantee the puppy just like any other appliance we sell. And, if you purchase our extended guarantee, it'll include Parts and Labor for an extra 48 months.
* What temperament testing and socialization has been done prior to the puppy going home with the owner? We throw the puppies out with the neighbor’s Pitt Bulls, the ones that survive are socialized and tested.
* What health tests have been done on both parents of the litter? They are alive at the time of breeding.
*What inoculations have been given prior to sending the puppy home with their new owner? Starting at a week of age, and for every week thereafter, we give 8 way combined shots DHLPPC DE, Rabies, E-Boli, E-Coli, Polio, Tuberculosis, HPV, Swine Flu, yellow fever, measles, rubella, mumps, flu, cholera, bubonic plague, and hepatitis A.
*Do you send these records with the puppy? Nah, we send these records to Antarctica.
* Who gives the puppy their inoculations? Oh god... only a Fully Licensed, Trained, Board Certified Veterinary Inoculation Specialist can give a shot, because we all know that giving a shot sub q is so complicated and technical only a highly trained specialist can do it. Beside, it’s a scientific fact that the minute a lay person touches a vaccine, the vaccine mutates to saline.
* Do your puppies get seen by your veterinarian prior to sending the puppies off to their new homes to ensure that you are sending a healthy puppy to their new home? Yes, we drive the puppies by “our” vet’s clinic and honk the horn. Usually the vet sees them.
* At what age do you crop their ears? We crop them at a week. Our vet crops them at 7 weeks.
*Who does the cropping? Anyone with a sharp knife.
*What style of cropping is used? We prefer the Inverted Shitsu Style
* What actions are taken after the cropping to make sure that a new owner to the breed understands the proper care of the puppies cropped ears? We generally use a whip and a cattle prod to ensure that new owners "understand" our orders.
* What do you feed the puppies? Feed puppies? You’re supposed to feed these little guys? I thought that was the mom’s job.
* What is your screening criteria for prospective new owners? Basically it’s “will the check clear the bank.”
* How do you choose which puppy gets placed with each prospective owner? Eenie, meenie, miniey, moe
* What are your expectations of each prospective owner? that the check clears the bank.
*What is the asking price of the puppies? We have a flat rate for puppies adjusted bi-monthly for inflation.
I thank-you for your time and look forward to your future correspondence.
de nada
Sincerely,
Jean & Adam Springer
-E